School Stories by the Creator

1. When I was in fifth grade at Stingley I walked into the bathroom minding my own business. To my surprise a young 1st grader was in the bathroom. Naked. Dancing. The kid was thrashing about like Jello and looking me right in the eye. I ran out screaming and told my teacher; Mr. Ryan. He ran as fast as he could and apprehended the naked offender.

2. There was a kid named Nick Barrett, who has since been called the Living Legend because of his great acts of insanity/bravery. One day he was acting out pretty badly all day and finally Mr. Ryan could take it no more. He pinned Nick up against the wall and threatened him. Nick looked him right in the eye and says: "Hello Jello."

3. One day in Mr. Ryan's science class, I was taking a test. I simply pulled out my book and copied the answers. Everyone was laughing and Mr. Ryan couldn't figure out why.

4. Our friend, Eric, had a very formal picture taken of him for school. We always told him we were going to go to his house at night, steal it, and hang up the picture at our house.

PS this is the actual photo.

5. There was one a girl named Shannon, who was in British Literature. She was called on to read by Mrs. Aracri. Shannon starts reading. The-th-th-the w-w-way- shakes pier.... And all of a sudden my friend jumps up and yells "SHANNON CAN'T READ!!!!"

6. In German class we were given a substitute teacher, and she started roll call. She got to a person named Parker. This Parker had a speech impediment. She says "Is parker here?" and he goes "I'm PAKKA." and she says "Yes but where is Parker?" and again: "I'M PAKKA." Next thing we know Parker runs out crying literally.

7. My friend in elementary school decided it would be a good idea to do a back flip off of the park bench at recess. He broke his leg!

8. This handicapped girl at Stingley, one day ran over a basketball in her wheelchair and fell over. All the kids outside stood in a circle around her and watched in silence for five minutes straight.

9. Our group's nickname in school was The Blob, and later the Amoeba. We were famous for all the crazy shenanigans we pulled. One incident we came up with was putting a stick on the ground and when a teacher passed it we would yell scatter and run in all different directions.

10. At recess on bubblegum day we all combined our gum into a huge blob and threw it. Time stopped. The blob slow-mo hit a kid named Matt.

11. Last but not least: SMASHING. There was an old vending machine at Tower Heights that sold Nutty Buddy Bars (or something) and its number was B7 on the vending machine. Everyday we would enlist someone to smash a B7. Eventually teachers got in on it! Mr. Haines smashed one and put his head down with us when we got in trouble.